This time of the year

February. Its 2015 now.

Its that time of the year. A third year.

It has been quite a while since it happened. I kept asking why it happened, how the h*ll could it happened and why her. I still do now.

Of course, people would say “its not your fault”. I know that, but again, sometimes I feel, is it really not my fault? If I’ve done differently on that day, would it change the outcome? Then, questions starts to reappear…another and another and another. It just goes on and on, blaming all of the world.

Asking and accepting is a whole different thing.

Its 3 years now, from that date. Accepting is much more subtle options than asking. At least for much people.

February 5th, 2012. This exact date brings harsh memory to some people. I could imagine some people would still be hard to accept it. I understand this, every person has their own acceptance level. Mine, however, certainly have changed to somewhat a brighter images. Its not we forget it, but rather to transform it to a much more subtle and comforting thoughts.

At one year of her passing, it still feels like it was just the day before. So unreal to experience such event. At second year, it feels like she was on a long trip (so close but its just too far). Third year, it feels like she’s having her trip so much fun and its just shameful to go back to this awful world.

Yes, its much more subtle and ease to think, that she’s having a blast in her trip. Having an awesome journey and of course seeing a whole different world. Without any remorse or pain nor even a heartbreak. An awesome journey. That’s how we remember you now. Just it and not too much, otherwise we will missed you too much and we will be questioning again and back to that vicious cycle. Just it.

A Marvelous Journey of Angelina.

Figure taken from the event : Her Journey – A Tribute to Fanka (February 8th, 2015)


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2 thoughts on “This time of the year”

  1. Everybody else moved on yet time stood still for you and nobody understands why. Cheering up doesn’t work and talking about it makes it better sometimes, or probably not. I don’t know how it feels but I know grief. That sick feeling in your stomach that won’t go away, followed by shudders, and feeling like you’re left alone. However, as you described in a brighter note : she is in a long trip; is it possible that she is with God? Being loved every single second. Safe.


    1. Grief is probably different than regret. Regrets is personal and sometimes cut deep. But, time has passed and time heals. This note is my last note about her, because i believe she is saved. Cheers šŸ™‚


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